These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
