So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
