did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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