I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
