You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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