Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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