It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
