Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
