I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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