I cut my penus on the lid.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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