so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
