can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
