I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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