My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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