I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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