We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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