it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
