also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
