are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
