Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
