so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Come see our sink grown plant.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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