She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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