with your own penis?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is Oprah even human
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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