pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
