TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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