But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
