Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
