Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
