When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
