ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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