I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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