Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
