We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
