He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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