a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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