There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
