After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
