you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
