note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
