xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
