You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
