I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
