I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
