MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
