So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
