So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
