I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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