we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He passed out mid-signature
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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