I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
