I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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