Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
