Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
