I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
