so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
