When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Let's paint friendship bongs
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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