I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
