Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
