Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
