Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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