Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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