I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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