the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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