Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
