why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
