Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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