Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
