..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
