Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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