I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
