He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
