he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
