Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
