The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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