I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
