I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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