I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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