So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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