people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
