At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Maybe he injected his testicle?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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