I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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