I got chris browned last night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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