just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
