I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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